Porn of the Dead

The “smells like condoms” comment about Jenna Jameson below reminded me to review Porn of the Dead! This 2006 zombie porno, directed by punk rock pornographer Rob Rotten, was critical to my realization that yes, screaming bloody girls in horror movies is totally sexy but no, screaming bloody girls in porno is not sexy. In fact, it’s really fucking creepy. I don’t mean to get all “women’s studies” but watching the opening scene in which what appears to be a serial zombie rapist (meaning that he rapes zombies, not that he is a zombie who rapes) stalks, captures and then “anally makes love to” what appears to be a pre-pubescent zombie girl basically made my lady parts seal themselves shut.

I toughed it out, mostly because I spent like $25 on this DVD as a Father’s Day gift for my husband, and moved onto a forgettable masturbation/zombie sex fantasy scene, and a pretty hot scene in which Rob Rotten- all at once sexy and totally repulsive- appears to cunnilingus a corpse back to life. I would go so far as to say that this single scene saved the whole porno- and yes, this is a woman talking so I expect an argument from male readers- but as far as I’m concerned, Rob Rotten’s breathed as much life into this flick as he did in that dead chick’s privates.

This was a one-time watch for Tony and I- and one scene in particular is to blame. I like to call this scene: double-zombie-penetration-pseudo-rape-scene. See, there’s this porn star. I mean, in the porn she plays a porn star- and she’s filming a scene with another porn star. Then these zombies hop the fence (they’re that terrifying fence-hopping zombie we all hope will never, ever appear in real life) and sort of take over. It’s been a year since I watched this movie, but if I remember correctly they eat the male porn star. The girl is scared at first, having just witnessed her co-star and film crew being eaten alive by undead monsters. But pretty soon she’s no longer scared- just horny. Que a zombie double team, close up on the hilarious and inevitable way the zombie makeup rubs off their junk and… scene!

I don’t know, it was worth buying. Previously I purchased Re-Penetrator, which was under a half hour and 100% funny all the way through. It was a little boring, but in the end, JoAnna Angel eats the doctor who resurrects (and fucks) her. So it’s a win-win. I still prefer it to Porn of the Dead, although honestly, I only watched that one once too. I know Burning Angel also came out with Evil Head, which I have yet to see, but perhaps my presumably award-winning review of Porn of the Dead will earn me a reviewer’s copy.

To summarize, I like zombies and I like porn, but I do not like zombie porn. It’s kind of rape-y and weird and it makes my lady parts get scared. I appreciate that it exists, but I don’t think I want to see any more of it, kind of like The Daily Show.

7 Responses to “Porn of the Dead”

  1. leighcifer Says:

    “made my lady parts seal themselves shut”

    This, from the review alone.🙂

  2. Wha, you don’t like The Daily Show?

    Also, I definitely want to hunt down Re-Penetrator. I’d put it on my DVD shelf with everything else, just to see people’s reactions when they skim over my collection.

  3. No, I hate the Daily Show. I hate it. I hate the way people watch it and regurgitate it to me the next day. I like Food Network, no one ever repeats blow-by-blow Iron Chef episodes to me. That is my rant about the Daily Show. Thank you and good night. (^_^)

  4. Just hearsay, but it’s rumored that Rob Rotten is pretty much an abusive prick, so the :kid of rape-y” is not surprising.

    The movie Grub Girl is full-on zombie porn, and based on an Edward Lee character. As I understand it, the movie leaves out most of the gore and humor of Lee’s writing in favor of just porn. With a zombie girl.

  5. Where can I get a copy!?!

  6. navi sharma Says:

    how to get this movie?

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